I am aware of my abandonment anxiety.
I just never thought it would be triggered by a four-cheese soufflé. Freud never warned me about french breakfast items from fast-casual food chains.
It all started when I woke up with a craving for a four-cheese soufflé from Panera Bread. The craving was strong, but my motivation to get dressed was not. I figured I would take my time getting ready and eventually make my way to Panera.
And then it hit me — an immediate feeling that I had to order it NOW.
To an uninformed observer, this may seem ridiculous, but any Panera Bread aficionado knows that soufflés are only served before 10 a.m., and they frequently sell out. But I wasn’t about to let myself be controlled by a breakfast item.
So I channeled my inner Buddha and forced myself to refrain from ordering until I had released all the tension from my body surrounding this morning’s breakfast. And I accepted that if the four-cheese soufflé does sell out, that is okay and I can be happy for whoever does get one.
When you practice self-control, you get better at hearing your inner voice. But I did not hear my voice. I heard Frank Zappa.
I started thinking about how Zappa would turn this into a song.
I imagined it would be in the same key as Zappa’s “Muffin Man,” but then I realized the fundamental flaw:
G#dim7
“Muffins and four-cheese soufflés are entirely different recipes
G#dim7
though they do share some of the same ingredients.”
So it makes more sense for this song to be in the relative key. That way, some of the musical ingredients are shared, but the musical recipe is different.
On a side note, I’m sure Zappa would turn over in his grave if he knew that every time I typed his name into my iPhone, it changed it from Zappa — the anti-establishment musical genius — to Zappos — the corporate online shoe retailer.
And that got me wondering if maybe Apple — the global corporate tech leader — along with the CIA — the [insert something here that won’t get me added to another watchlist] — has programmed its iOS to change the names of famous anti-establishment heroes to corporate businesses with similar names to further brainwash middle-class Americans into a materialistic mindset.
But I digress.
Buddhism teaches us to let go of our attachments, but in all the ancient texts, I’ve never read anything about the four-cheese soufflé, and I don’t think Zappa or the Pope has said much on the topic either. So I don’t think I have accumulated any bad karma for this act.
Eventually, I ordered my four-cheese soufflé, and as an act of penance, I ordered an additional one for my dog.
We ate them in peace.